Mary Mina

Happy new year! Hope you have had a good start to 2026. So far my year has been busy – and full of lots of good things! You may be aware that I released my latest single over Christmas – a deeply personal song about  discovering my long lost grandmother, a 1940s radio singer I never got to meet. I have just released the official video, filmed by Preet Singh at Sector One Media. I'd love you to see the video – you can watch it here. 

I am really pleased  with the way the song has been received so far - from a write up in Jammerzine and then being selected as one of their top artists of 2025, to being championed by local radio stations across the UK, the most important thing for me though has been how it has been received by you, my listeners. I have had so much positive feedback which I am so grateful for. And the exciting news is that I have recently been doing lots of song writing sessions with Paul Anders and have an EP in the making of what I hope will be my best work yet!

It's been a real revelation releasing my latest song, as the journey itself mirrored the song's message about connection and letting go. I knew I had been creatively blocked but didn't realise to what extent. I dreamt so hard about everything going perfectly and being this big defining moment in my career, that I was putting too much pressure on myself around it all. That pressure was stopping me from moving forwards. Funnily enough, sharing this song publicly has helped me let go of so much I was holding on to, and came with a realisation that there is perfection in just letting things be what they are. This may not be the big moment in my career that I imagined it could be, but it is still an achievement and a stepping stone towards my success.

Last year was a year of lots of achievements, alongside navigating creative challenges. I overcame my fears to start my own jazz open mic event, and earned money performing my original songs. I continued doing the Cruising show on Ujima Radio and I also launched a podcast with sustainable fashion stylist Meg Cox, which I have a dedicated page for that you can find on the menu of this website. 

Last week, I found myself in the position of having to record the podcast on my own at the last minute without a plan, and it prompted me to rise to the challenge and create an episode I am proud of by thinking on my feet. That felt serendipitous – the episode is about winging it, rising up to challenges, feeling the fear and getting on with it anyway.

I talk through all the challenges I went through last year in depth, coping with stomach lurching anxiety, dealing with creative blocks and grief, and how coming up with creative solutions to challenges has led me to where I am now, filled with renewed vigour and full of positive energy and high hopes for 2026. I'd love you to listen to the episode and let me know what you think! It will be broadcast on January 20th at 1pm on www.ujimaradio.com or you can listen again here. 

Before I go, if you have got this far I just want to say thank you so much for being here! Your support means so much to me. If you haven't already then please do go and watch my new video on YouTube, and if my work moves you in some way then please share it with a friend – perhaps it might inspire them too!  

This year feels full of possibility, and I'm excited to see where the music takes me. It would be really helpful if you can spread the word and share the love so that I can continue with this work, go on to performing on bigger stages, and reach more people with these stories and songs.

Much love,

Mary

Images by Preet Singh at Sector One Media

I am feeling very emotional sharing this because I have been holding back this release for a very long time - over a year in fact - because this song means the world to me. I had to be ready. I decided not to force it, but now at last, the song feels ready to make its way into the world. 

The song came to me after a dream where a woman with chestnut hair was singing to me. It was my long-lost grandmother, a woman I'd never met because my dad was adopted. I only discovered who she was after my father died.

The Bombshell

It was a beautiful day in August 2023, and I was travelling from a fun family holiday in the Cotswolds back to Bristol. I'd have just a few hours at home before flying to New York to perform at an industry showcase. I had recently arrived home when I received the news that my father had passed away in the early hours of the morning.

In a state of shock, I concluded there was no way I could continue with my trip. But my family were extremely insistent that I must still go. They said it's what my dad would have wanted, he was so excited for me. But it felt so overwhelming. Packing my case was a feat of mental strength. My body and heart felt so heavy. I was feeling a lot of resistance about going, and then I realised: I didn't have to decide right then.

I tried to get some sleep but couldn't settle. Eventually I fell into a troubled slumber. My alarm woke me an hour later at 2am and I couldn't move. My boyfriend, who had fallen asleep beside me, got up and tried to encourage me out of bed, but my body felt like lead. I remember sitting up and feeling like I just needed to be here in my safe space, with friends close by, surrounded by love. I just didn't want to go.

My boyfriend gently tried to encourage me, but I was being stubborn. Eventually he suggested I get up and go with him to get petrol - he'd need it in case I decided I could still go. That felt more achievable, so I pulled myself together and stepped out into the street light and into the car, leaving my luggage behind me.

That drive changed everything. The purr of the car engine as we zoomed along the tree-lined streets, and the street lamps forming dotted lines of light as we whizzed past, had a soothing, hypnotic effect on me. Suddenly everything seemed possible again. I felt calm as we went from one petrol station to another, trying to find something open. I didn't feel perturbed. I felt open to every potential outcome. Either I'd make it, or I wouldn't. What would be would be.

We finally made it back to my place over an hour later than my planned leaving time. We sat outside in the car and my boyfriend, who was used to flying long haul, told me that I wasn't going to make it - long distance flights close their gates significantly earlier. I sighed, before suddenly saying, "Wait, my first flight is only to Amsterdam. I'm changing there."

He said, "Well, in that case you might actually make it at a push."

At this point I just felt it was worth a try. I ran in, grabbed the luggage I'd thankfully managed to finish packing before bed, and we left. Surprisingly, we hit traffic at 4am en route, the main route to the airport was closed. As we found ourselves at a standstill on a country lane in a row of traffic, I wondered again if I was actually meant to go. At this point it suddenly began to feel really important that I made that flight.

I made it to Bristol airport, checked in, and ran. I made it to the flight in the nick of time. I was the last person to board.

That journey was also calming and soothing. It felt good to keep moving. If I ever go through a shock like that again, I'll take a bus, a coach, a train, or a plane. It felt like a holding place for my grief, a kind of limbo where for a while I didn't have to do anything. Just exist. Just stare out the window and not have to talk to anyone.

Manhattan

Arriving in New York was surreal. I was grateful that I'd landed in an English-speaking country as I didn't have to do any unnecessary thinking. It was enough just to have to find my way to the apartment room I'd booked in Manhattan.

The first few days in New York were a whirlwind. I met my team of mentors: Grammy award-winning producer Mike Mangini, with whom I was learning music production; platinum-selling songwriter Coley O'Toole and industry vocal coach Melissa Mulligan, with whom I took a day's songwriting workshop the day before the showcase; and Skip Glogan, production wizard and synth master and another of the incredible tutors on the music career mastermind course I was doing. I also got to meet so many other like-minded artists and musicians who were also performing at the showcase on my second day in NYC. After the showcase, a few of us went to eat together and then went to a beautiful rooftop bar with an epic view of the Empire State Building.

As you can imagine, it was quite a lot of things happening all at once. I was grateful for them, even though it was exhausting as well. I loved Manhattan, but I didn't find it easy. I struggled to meet my dietary needs, I couldn't find anywhere that sold health foods. It was lucky I'd brought my meal replacement shakes with me. I survived on them for the first few days. It was so helpful. I didn't have to force myself up and out to buy breakfast every day, I could just add the powder to water and drink. It dealt with both my hunger and thirst without me having to struggle to face the world too soon each day.

The place I was staying in was weird. It looked nothing like the photo, which made it seem cool and comfortable, but it was very basic, just a room in a shared apartment. It was what I could afford. At first I didn't see any of the other people staying there, but later figured out they were night workers. It felt really weird being in such a transitory space, and I wasn't comfortable.

But I had friends in New York. I'm part of an online women's group, and many of these women were living in or close to New York. When they found out I was coming over, they were keen to meet me. Whilst I was in Manhattan, I had a friend come over from New Jersey and we took the ferry together over to Staten Island so that I could see the Statue of Liberty.

It was totally exhilarating and totally exhausting. As you can imagine, I was carrying this underlying burden of sadness that most of the time I couldn't even share. I didn't want to bring others down or make it all about me. So I canned it and made the best of it.

After three nights in Manhattan, I was fairly exhausted with just trying to navigate the city whilst carrying this extremely heavy heart that I was so effectively masking. But my friends held me so well.

The morning I left the Manhattan apartment, I had several hours before I'd be able to move into my next stop in Brooklyn, and I had no idea what I was going to do with my luggage. But my friend Claudine welcomed me into her home next to Central Park for breakfast, where I was able to leave my luggage for a few hours before I had to move. This buffered my transition from one difficult place to my next stop, which would be much more soothing.

But more than this: I was finally able to be honest about what I was going through with someone who understood. I was able to be vulnerable and soft and open my heart up about what I was going through while she showed me around Central Park. I was held in my pain, and I'll never forget that moment of kindness - the healthy breakfast after eating sparsely for days, the gluten-free bagels, the blueberries, coffee and juice, and the soft, kind-hearted friend who took me into her home and heart. I started to feel a real connection to America.

Brooklyn

From here I moved on to the most perfect apartment in Brooklyn, which thankfully I had all to myself. This was my time to grieve.

The evening I arrived in Brooklyn, another amazing woman arrived to greet me: Jen. She came to the apartment I'd moved into and we went together to a local restaurant and chatted over a couple of glasses of wine. It was so nice. My friend is a doula and she had that nurturing, motherly energy that I needed right then. I felt held. That night I slept like a baby. It had only been a few days since my father had died, and I needed that friend right then. 

The next few days I got to explore Brooklyn. I also had a lot more friends to meet and a lot more travelling up and down that beautiful island to do, but right then I just needed to sit with my feelings and grieve. I was so tired and so much was happening so fast.

During my time in Brooklyn, I managed to relax a lot more. I fell in love with the leafy streets, the parks, the venues. I felt really at home there. I made friends with the subway and realised there was no way to navigate New York without it. I also discovered the ferries, and being so close to the port, was able to make good use of them.

I also managed to meet an old friend of my family, Joris, who was living uptown by the Hudson River. Although it was a long journey, it was worth it for me. He told me things about my dad that I'd never have otherwise known.

Like, I never knew how much I was wanted. It had never even occurred to me, probably because my dad had never talked about it, that he was yearning for people who he shared blood with. So he really wanted kids. And I was his first, so I would have been the first person in his entire life that he shared a blood connection with.

I guess it can be tricky to put yourself in the shoes of another, even one so close. When I think back to my early years, I remember feeling a close and special connection with my father. But things became difficult as he became depressed and angry with his life. I felt that connection become severed. And I internalised that, typically, blaming myself for the distance, for not being loveable enough.

Gosh, writing this is tough. It's difficult to know where to move. I'm telling the story in a very linear fashion, but my thoughts are not like that. I'm travelling down so many lanes as I try to piece this all together.

Rockaway

My final stop in New York was Rockaway Beach.

The day I had arrived in New York, I had received an email via the MyHeritage site. Earlier that year, my brother and I had received DNA results which revealed who our father's biological father was—our father had been adopted. Since then, I had been in contact with various cousins and uncles from that formerly unknown part of the family. 

It had taken me a good few days to acknowledge this new email with the whirlwind I was experiencing. But when I got to Rockaway, I opened the message. It was from another family member, and within a couple of messages back and forth, we established that we were connected—that she had been close to my biological grandmother, who I had never known anything about before. 

I arranged a call with this cousin and walked down to the beach to take it. I felt the need to be by the sea.

As I was talking to her, my cousin began to tell me all about my long-lost grandmother, explaining to me that she had been a singer, like me. That she had also travelled to America. That she had been working as a singer in the 1940s, singing on the radio every week.

It was a very touching moment. I was amazed to hear all this about the woman I had never got to meet—would never meet, as she had long since passed. But I was overwhelmed at the connection between us. That she had been a singer, like my father, and me too. That the musical connection had been passed down to me. It was a relief in some ways to know who she was, although also extremely sad that we never knew each other.

The Dream

When I got home after the holiday, my grandmother came to me in a dream, singing softly.  The very next day I woke up and started turning the dream into a song.

That is how my song "Lonely Part of Me" was born and I am releasing it on Christmas Day as a gift to everyone who has been patient with me, this song has felt hard to release, due to the amount of emotion connected to it, and I have found it hard to let it go. In the end though, everything has its time and now is this song's time. I hope you love it as much as I do. Merry Christmas 2025! 

To listen to the song on Christmas Day please click here: https://marymina.hearnow.com/lonely-part-of-me

All images courtesy of RD Smith Photography www.instagram.com/racheldsmith_ports

It's been a while since I have attended to my blog and I apologise for the wait. The truth is, that the last few months have been particularly hectic in this ADHD brain of mine. For some reason I became particularly mentally hyperactive in the early part of the year and it has been quite a task to settle this busy brain that I hope to one day become the master of.

In response to a few months of little sleep and a constantly racing mind, I started cooking up all sorts of ideas. I was convinced that the variety of things I was trying to do was the key to my success and never getting bored, because one of the biggest traits of having ADHD is that we have a very low tolerance to boredom. If I am bored I start becoming very antsy, frustrated, can't keep still, I feel the utter compulsion to make things happen. 

Historically, if I was feeling bored I would make music - but this past year I have also been wrestling with the hollow feeling of being musically blocked, whenever I try to sit and create alone. At the moment I am limited to making music with other people, which is a wonderful thing that I am grateful for, but other people are busy and I haven't had the budget to invest in paying to make music, so things have been chugging along more slowly than before in the musical production realm. So what did my ADHD brain decide to do instead? Instead, to combat my frustrations, I came up with the following list of things in no particular order and on no particular schedule that were somehow going to lead me to world domination and that I was convinced were all part of my lifestyle brand—yes, really.

• Making body creams, balms & oils – of which I have already created, branded and packaged • Starting an online shop selling vintage clothing – this I have actually tried and had an excess of clothing cluttering up my life but it just isn't working for me as I don't have the space • Writing 4 books – one about my life, one a novel, one about singing and one about confidence, all of which I have started • Creating a course about confidence which I was going to roll out and sell – and have outlined and started writing • Coaching and mentoring – particularly creatives with ADHD – I have not officially started this but I'd factored it into my business plan & researched ADHD coaching courses that I was considering taking to get qualified • Working with a tattoo artist and a music artist with their social media – I have been actively doing this too • Starting a jazz singing group for improvers – never got this moving but was cooking this idea for a while • Re-igniting my Mary in the Mirror electronic project – which I started doing but was thwarted by one of the producers pulling out of the project unexpectedly • Becoming a podcast host – this one I have actually followed through on

If you are worn out by just reading that list, it may give you some indication of what it is like existing in this brain with ADHD. All this to think about on top of what I am already doing – my weekly radio show on Ujima FM, the jazz events that I host and my other music projects. I have been working with mentors to help me write my business plan and have had to hone down my plans several times, which is hard cause they keep changing. One minute I am over excited about an idea I have had and the next I have completely changed my mind because of my limited attention span. Luckily, one of my mentors and I did some consistent work together which has led to me getting funding for some specific ADHD focused business coaching, and what a relief that has been.

The first thing my new business coach said to me when I told her all the things I had been working on was "no wonder you are overwhelmed". Having ADHD means that we have a limited capacity for executive functioning, with the pre-frontal cortex, that part of our brains that is responsible for pushing things through and getting things done, unable to apply the processing power to such a huge variety of things. So the key to success is to get more specific, and focus on the things we feel most passion for – which for me is obviously and clearly my music – writing my own songs and creating my own album are up there on my list of bucket list ambitions. Doing my own radio show purely brings me joy because I am part of a team and my new podcast is my absolute passion project, so I have whittled these things down. Singing jazz is also a passion of mine. My business coach has encouraged me to cross everything else off my to-do list. If I am truly honest with myself, a lot of the reasoning for my other goals and plans has been due to having imposter syndrome & worrying that I will never be successful in music. My coach suggested we did some number crunching and she helped me to realise that success in music is actually possible if the right strategies are applied.

In honesty this has felt like such a weight lifted off me. I don't have to write a book right now, I can focus on writing my blog posts and perhaps later I can fashion this into a book. This has totally taken the pressure off that I was putting on myself. Maybe one day when my album is released I can sell some vintage pieces of clothing that I have worn on stage or for photoshoots. Maybe I can start a shop one day when I have a team behind me, selling my hand made products, maybe start a makeup range too, maybe I can mentor other artists, but perhaps I need to get myself fully established as an artist first – all these things are possible, they just aren't all possible AT THE SAME TIME.

I am so relieved that I now know what my focus is. There is enough to do as an artist – since the launch of my solo material, I have been my own marketer, my own brand strategist, my own publicist, thankfully I now have a stylist on my side, but I am my own makeup artist, my own manager, my own everything.

On top of all these roles that I have had to play, I have had untold personal challenges that perhaps I was masking with all my hectic ideas and plans. Maybe my brain was being overactive to stop me from feeling these feelings of grief that I have been constantly battling since losing both my parents. Maybe sitting alone at the computer trying to force myself into creativity was just too much pressure, I still feel blocked to a degree but I am coming through it. I was preparing to release a single this time last year when my world imploded & I just couldn't face it at the time and a year later… well more on this below.

Rather than focus on the negatives—of which there have been many—I want to focus on what I've achieved so far this year. Here's what 2024 has brought me so far: 

• I decided to launch into doing more live performing and started writing more soul songs and getting out there with guitarist Lip Kozlowski – we performed a few magic events together before he sadly moved back home to Poland to be with his family. • I launched a jazz open mic night at the Green Room back in March which is still going. • I launched my blog and website and even though I have neglected it somewhat in recent months, this is proof that I am back on track. • I have written a bunch of new songs – some of which I have never performed in public before and am looking forward to sharing again • I performed at the Bristol Harbour Festival • I have found a new guitarist that I am doing our first gig with on Thursday 2nd October at the Golden Lion • I have written a business plan and managed to obtain funding to employ an assistant who is helping me with all my business admin – this is a HUGE help • I have been consistent with my weekly radio show & have built a team around me of the most wonderful women you could imagine who are so nurturing and supportive • I have launched my brand new podcast the Persona Power Podcast with the amazing sustainable fashion stylist Meg Cox, all about sustainable style, mental health & wellbeing & creative identity. This podcast is very dear to me and is a passion project where I am being totally open and talking about my authentic journey as an artist with ADHD and building my identity as a creative whilst keeping myself sane. • I am now getting ready to finally release the song I have waited a year to release due to the grief and overwhelm – this song is a hugely personal story that is a big deal to me, so no wonder I was struggling to share it! 

Now for the honest part.

I am really sorry that I have neglected you all but I hope you can see that it has been due to all the things I have been busy with this past few months as well as the struggles I have faced. I kept trying to rationalise my life and put the sadness behind me but grief does not follow a linear timeline, it comes in waves. I am not done with it, but there will be times when it is easier than others. I have got a habit of trying to smile my way through everything but grief still catches me out. No amount of healing or therapy can stop those tidal waves when they start to engulf me. I have honestly had to do so much healing, but there is no fix for the longing for lost loved ones. It never goes away. I hope one day it will get easier but it is there for a reason, it is because I have loved.

On the bright side, new music is coming! As I mentioned before, I have a new song – I have been holding back from sending it off to be mixed for so long – but I now have my assistant and my business coach holding me to account. The song is about the discovery of my lineage, finding out about my long lost grandmother, just after my father died, standing by the sea in Rockaway, New York, discovering that she too, was a singer like me, that like me she had travelled to America and was following her dream, singing on the radio. I found out too that I am Irish – a cultural part of me that I have never got to explore, and that I have vast amounts of family living here in the UK and overseas in Canada and the US – who I hope to visit next year. I want to learn more about what it means to be Irish – and meet some more family members. It turns out that my father had 14 more siblings that he never even knew about – so you can imagine how big my family is! I am looking forward to meeting as many of them as want to meet me – I get that not all of them are necessarily interested but the ones that are... Well I intend to get to know them and pick their brains and try to find out more about my cultural identity.

But let me tell you about the song itself. It is deeply moving and based on a dream I had about my long lost grandmother, as she came to me singing, stroking my hair, comforting me. I woke up and the song was born, like magic and it is truly beautiful, I love it. I hope you will love it too… I will definitely be letting you know very soon about the release date! It won't be long now, I have created the cover art, written the story, have made a performance video and have got some great photos to share… until then though, I just want to say thank you for your continued support and for bearing with me whilst I go through these changes, it means so much.

What a journey this year has been for me so far, with all its highs and lows I am constantly learning about myself. I am so grateful for the opportunities that have come my way, although I have worked so hard for them, with support. I can't recommend working with coaches, mentors and experts enough, especially if like me, you struggle with mental health challenges and trauma. I could not have got this far without them. I am excited about what this new support means for me – it has been so difficult, knowing that I have been held back by having ADHD in this weird world where we are so cut off from each other. Knowing that I could have achieved so much more if I had had the right support all along. But hopefully now you will start to see just how much work is going on behind the scenes, and I will start to show my best music, my best singing and presented in the best way possible, I am aiming for excellence as you haven't had the full experience of my music yet. It is coming! And I can't wait to share it with you.

Love Mary

Image 1 by RD Smith Photography

Image 2 by Sector One Media 

Hey everyone!

I’m doing my best to keep up with a monthly blog post to keep you all updated!

In case you didn’t know, I host a weekly radio show on Ujima Radio 98FM – also available digitally and online at www.ujimaradio.com. The show, called The Cruising Show, airs every Thursday from 4–6 pm.

I absolutely LOVE doing the show, and I’ve recently welcomed two fantastic co-hosts: Charlie Bees, who featured on Season 2 of The Traitors, and Jesus Nahmias, who has been a brilliant addition to the team. We also have an incredible lineup of guests—from artists to authors, photographers, filmmakers, event organisers, and more. I love filling the two-hour slot with lively conversations and great music, and the show continues to go from strength to strength with a growing, regular listenership. You can listen to previous shows here: https://ujimaradio.com/show/cruising-thursday/

One of my regular guests is sustainable stylist Meg Cox, who runs Clothemod. Together, we now host a monthly fashion segment on the first Thursday of every month, where I get to explore my passion for sustainable fashion. Our next segment is on Thursday, April 3rd, where we’ll be chatting about my recent styling session with Meg, where she picked out a selection of second-hand and vintage clothes for me to try—helping me discover a new expression of myself!

You can tune in on 98FM (Bristol), online at www.ujimaradio.com, or via DAB and you can listen to previous shows 

My First Jazz Event! 

I’ve also been busy setting up my very first jazz event! Some of you may know that I have a deep love for jazz, and for the past two years, I’ve been quietly learning jazz standards in a weekly class. Now, it’s time to take things a step further!

I’ve found the perfect venue—an absolutely gorgeous art-deco cocktail bar in the city centre, which has exactly the kind of atmosphere I want to create. My first event will take place this Sunday, March 30th, for Mother’s Day, and I’m beyond excited! 

This is an open mic event, and the response has been amazing, with all slots filling up in no time. Come along for an evening of free live music, where I’ll also be performing! There will be plenty of singers stepping up to perform jazz classics, and the venue is offering a free glass of Prosecco to mothers who attend with their families. It runs from 5 pm – 9 pm, and I’d love to see you there! 

Other Performances

Tonight, I’m also getting ready for a gig—well, more of a PA, really—as part of the Ujima Radio party. With over 30 performers on the lineup, my set will be short and sweet, but I’m excited nonetheless! I’ll be performing some of my more upbeat Mary in the Mirror tracks, and it’ll be amazing to share the stage with so much incredible talent from Ujima Radio. 

I’ll have more news for you soon—I know I’ve been promising new music for a while, but lately, I’ve been focusing on performing and building other aspects of my business. Good things take time! My releases are on hold for a minute, but you can still catch me live—just check out my gigs page, which I’ll be updating regularly.

That’s all for this month—short and sweet—but I’ll be back soon, promise!

I started my journey with virtual EMDR in June 2023. I had been struggling with severe ADHD symptoms and was looking for some relief, having tried medication that didn’t work for me and being unable to access coaching due to the massive cost. It was first recommended to me by a friend, who also has ADHD. She had found a wonderful therapist who was really helping her with regular treatments. As I saw my friend growing in confidence, gaining better control over her life, and experiencing an obvious upturn in her mood, I became curious to find out more.

I had been dealing with severe brain fog following a traumatic incident, which meant my ADHD symptoms had skyrocketed from a manageable 5/10 to an overwhelming 10/10. I literally could not remember what I was doing from one moment to the next. I would check my diary in the morning to get an overview of my day, but by lunchtime, I would have completely forgotten my afternoon plans, and it was becoming embarrassing. Simple tasks felt impossible - like my executive function had completely shut down. I initially blamed ADHD, but the severity of my symptoms pointed to something more. As you can imagine, I was panicking. I felt like I was a complete mess and desperately needed a solution. 

Searching for an EMDR practitioner in my local area proved difficult. The treatments were expensive, starting at £90 an hour, and demand was so high due to its popularity, that there were long waiting lists. Then I came across an online self-administered EMDR site, www.virtualemdr.com, which offered a free three-day trial. I thought, "I have nothing to lose," so I signed up and gave it a go.

For those unfamiliar, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) was developed in 1987, primarily to treat PTSD. However, it is also effective for other conditions, including anxiety, depression, and addiction. A session involves focusing on a painful memory, with all its associated emotions and physical sensations, while following an object moving side to side with your eyes. This process helps reduce distressing feelings and allows you to move forward. EMDR consultant Dr. Justin Havens describes the transformation: “There can be a dramatic shift from someone constantly haunted by a traumatic memory to feeling like it’s behind them and no longer significant.”

The science behind EMDR is fascinating. When we experience trauma, our prefrontal cortex (responsible for focus, emotional regulation, and planning) can physically shrink due to stress, while the amygdala (which processes fear) takes over. This can leave us emotionally dysregulated. However, engaging in eye movement while recalling trauma can create new neural pathways, allowing the brain to work together as a whole again. This reassures the amygdala that there is no immediate danger, allowing healing to occur.

Each EMDR session follows a structured approach. First, you are guided through questions to assess your emotional state and identify a target issue. You focus on the imagery, sensations, and emotions tied to that memory. Then, you launch the eye movement tool, watching a ball move side to side while listening to alternating tones in headphones. This immersive process engages both hemispheres of the brain, facilitating emotional processing. At the beginning and end of each session, you rate your distress level, allowing you to track progress. Each session concludes with two minutes of deep breathing to re-centre yourself.

From day one, I noticed results. The three-day trial was enough to prove EMDR’s effectiveness, so I signed up for three months at $149, which I found affordable. Unlike in-person therapy, there were no session limits, and I could do it from home. Over nine months, I completed 90 EMDR sessions, spending just $447. The impact was profound. My symptoms improved dramatically, my brain fog lifted, and I felt functional again. It helped me navigate an incredibly difficult period in my life. Looking back at my early sessions, I can see how difficult things had become. I felt sad, unmotivated, and was beating myself up about it. I am amazed at how much I have changed since then.

I also engaged in traditional talk therapy for six months, which complemented my EMDR work. When difficult emotions surfaced in therapy, I could process them with EMDR rather than carrying them all week. Though professionals might have differing opinions, I found this combination invaluable.

However, about six months after finishing both EMDR and talking therapy, I noticed myself slipping back into old patterns. My motivation had dwindled, and the joy I once found in music—my true passion—had vanished. Despite my extensive background in music production, singing, and performance, I felt creatively blocked. It wasn’t just a lack of inspiration; I felt nothing when I sat at the piano or attempted to produce a track. I was emotionally numb and no matter how hard I tried I just could not find a shred of motivation. I kept thinking that given time it would pass, but it just wasn't shifting.

I suspected that my creative block was likely linked to unprocessed emotions, so I embarked on another three-month EMDR journey. This time, my goal was to work through the low-level depression that was draining the joy from my music. I wasn’t feeling miserable per se, but I had lost my spark - and that, to me, was a problem.

Initially, I felt hopeless, convinced I had lost my skills and joy for music. But by my third session, something shifted. First, I felt anger and frustration, which, oddly, was a relief - at least I was feeling something again. Through more sessions, I uncovered deeper issues: resentment over unpaid work, grief over abandoned projects, and pain from broken collaborations. I realised that my music career had once been fuelled by connection, but after so many disappointments, I had retreated into isolation. Learning music production had been empowering, but trying to do everything alone had left me overwhelmed and uninspired.

The EMDR helped me realise & come to terms with how I was truly feeling. I decided to approach things differently and have been actively seeking new collaborators, have booked gigs, and am reigniting my passion. I have been given an entirely new perspective, working on music with like minded musicians, preparing for performances, and feeling genuinely excited. My EMDR subscription recently ended, and I haven’t renewed it - not because I don’t believe in it, but because I don’t need it at the moment. I've done the work, and it has paid off.

The biggest takeaway? I don’t want to produce music alone. I have the skills if needed, but I thrive best in collaboration. I’ve also let go of the pressure to maintain a rigid release schedule. When I can afford to employ a team, I’ll refocus my marketing efforts, but for now, I’m prioritising performing live and trusting that the recording opportunities will come.

If you’re struggling with anything similar, I highly recommend trying self-administered EMDR. It has profoundly changed my life. You can find it at www.virtualemdr.com.

Further Reading: 

https://www.ptsduk.org/how-does-emdr-work/ 

https://www.emotionstherapycalgary.ca/blog-therapy-calgary-emotions-clinic/how-does-emdr-work

Photo by RD Smith Photography

Oh my goodness me….. what a lot has happened in the last month since I last posted, what a start to the year it has been! And I tell you, I have been on an odyssey since I last wrote a blog post!

I thought that this month I would be sharing about my EMDR journey but it is still in process and I have so much more to share about it, that I have decided to hold fire on that one until next month as my healing is still in process… for those of you who don't know, EMDR which stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing is a relatively new type of therapy which is scientifically proven to work on complex issues such as depression, anxiety and trauma, and I have embarked on a journey with the virtual online version of the therapy which is self administered, and which I have been testing to see if it can shift my writers block. Because honestly, writers block is real! I have heard people dismissing it, and saying it isn't real, that if you show up and do the work then the writing will come, but honestly, I was showing up to do the work and it was making me feel worse and worse, I had to unpack the whole thing. More on this in my next post, when I will be sharing in depth how EMDR has been helping me find my musical mojo again.

For now though, I will start by sharing that the last quarter of 2024 was a particularly tough time for me, in all honesty. Throughout 2024 I was pushing through, eager and anxious to share some of my works, to launch as Mary Mina Music, release some of my solo, self produced material and prove myself. It was a lot of pressure and eventually I buckled. I had a bit more grieving to do. Now, I am not one to wallow in feelings of self pity, which is part of the reason that I picked myself up after my dad died & just got on with things. But it has its time and place, and we can't avoid it unfortunately, and after a while of pushing myself ridiculously hard, I was depleted. By September I was heading for a breakdown. But breakdowns are the perfect time to self reflect and be honest and truthful with ourselves about what we need to do in our best interests. I knew at that point that I needed some time out. I didn't know it would take months! I honestly kept trying to keep going, I thought that taking a couple of weeks off then gently easing back into my music work would be enough, I was wrong! For two to three months I wept my way through TV shows, crying at anything and everything, I just needed that outlet. But the worst thing of all in that time was that I felt completely flat and joyless whenever I tried to make music, it just had lost its appeal. My brain was associating everything to do with writing music with pain, toil and struggle.

It's hardly surprising really. Making music is tough at times and it doesn't always pay well. Your songs feel like your babies and you want to send them out into the world and for them to thrive, but they don't always. Not everyone will like your stuff and it can be hard to find your audience. Plus, I was doing all the jobs myself, songwriter, singer, producer, mix engineer, marketer, publicist, video editor, stylist, makeup artist, the lot. And it was too much work for me on my own. And at the same time that my musical spark was dying out, I started to feel like I had so much to say. And that's sort of why this blog began, out of the deep desire to write out everything that has been on my mind for so long. It started out with some lengthy social media posts where I made connections with people who understood how I was feeling, and a new path opened up. A friend suggested that I join her in doing the Artist's Way course. I had done it before, so wasn't totally convinced I would benefit from it, but after mulling it over awhile, I thought, why not? I was ill at the time anyway and had the time on my hands to do it, so that led to me doing a lot more writing, as it required me to do 3 pages a day of freehand writing, every single morning. There is something amazing about the process of following the course. You discover a LOT about yourself. You discover who you are and where you are at and uncover different aspects of your personality and through doing it you begin to regain control over your life and can start to find pleasure in being creative again.

As I started to write more frequently, I started to figure things out again, piece by piece. I started to realise that I hadn't been nurturing the playful side of me, that I was taking my music way too seriously, trying too hard & had lost my way. I realised that in my anxious need to prove myself worthy of recognition, I had destroyed my childlike sense of delight in making music, and that what I was doing had become all for show and was lacking the depth that important songs need. Not that the songs I have already released don't have depth, but I had got stuck where I was and wasn't progressing. These realisations couldn't have come at a better time for me. I actually needed to have that feeling of being completely stuck. If I hadn't had that then I wouldn't have embarked on the Artist's Way at that time. It was the perfect time to do it.

In November I had a flare up of an old injury and ended up on crutches for 2 months. It was quite honestly a devastating time for me, as I felt like I couldn't trust my body. I felt ashamed at having to get around using aids again, like I had somehow failed to maintain my own health. I didn't want to be seen that way at all, and I did my best to hide it. It can feel pretty demoralising when you are trying to get out and perform, I was keen to join a band that was auditioning and was trying to work out how I could get around it without letting on that I needed to walk and potentially take the stage with a stick. And I got myself into uncomfortable debt by paying for regular treatments to try and get back to full health.

I actually believe that my body was trying to let me know I was doing too much by creating the conditions to make me stop pushing so hard at life. Luckily I recognised it, and allowed myself to slow down. And I am happy to say that my treatment plan has worked. I followed my NHS prescribed physio regime pretty strictly, and the time I put in started to pay off. I used the time when I was forced to rest wisely, by devoting it to my mental and physical healing, doing the EMDR therapy, and following the course.

I will be honest here and say that there were days when I thought my passion for writing music would never return. But I also know from experience that whenever I completely give up on music, it always comes back to surprise me. And I kept up as best as I could with my singing practice, going to my jazz lessons whenever I could – though I had the worst flu in December which took me out completely for a good couple of weeks or more, and a cancer scare too, which I am thankful to say I got the all clear on this month! It was a lot of health stuff all at once.

And then the biggie – early on New Years day, around 1am I was knocked flying into the burning embers of the fire pit at the party I was at, by some large and clumsy oaf of a man who didn't even stick around to check if I was OK. Unbeknownst to me at the time, the impact of his fall sent not only me, but also the lady I was chatting to flying. I found out later that she had bumped her head badly & was concussed. I ended up with first degree burns all over my hands, up my arm and on my thigh and I am still healing. My clothing was also destroyed in the fire. It was a shock to say the least, and it took quite a few days to recover from the anxious nightmares.

However, since then things have really turned around for my health. I have never felt better! I am off crutches again and I feel absolutely radiant, it's as though I have risen from the flames like the phoenix! All the time I have put into doing the real work is starting to pay off, I am loving life again, I am truly enjoying where I am at & feeling the benefits of the time I have taken to rest well and recover fully. And more than that, I have just had a burst of songwriting, and for the first time in months I sat at my computer, opened up my music software and started to play, and actually enjoyed myself. I had some time on my hands this evening to do something and for a change I didn't want to just watch TV – it was time for something different, and more than anything I wanted to make music. As I went to sit down in the familiar spot, I noticed my heart start beating faster, with the anxiety of what I was about to attempt, from the fear that it would trigger the old uncomfortable feelings of static and frustration. But I sat with it, and started to create. It doesn't matter what I created, it is just the fact that I did create something and enjoyed it, that is what counts. I think one of the dilemmas we face as artists is that we love making our art so much until we start to try to turn it into a job. Then suddenly it becomes this massive slog, and it can destroy our creativity as it starts to become something we NEED to do, rather than be a pleasure. So I have made the decision to just do this for fun for the time being, and if it turns into my full time thing, great, but I am now doing it without attachment to the outcomes. For me this is the key to a happy life.

For those of you who are awaiting my next song, fear not! I have a plan in place for my next release, and am also busy booking a few gigs! I am so excited to get out there and perform again, I have just got so much to give right now and I will keep you posted as soon as I know more.

So, until the next chapter! Onwards and upwards. Have a wonderful month and thank you so much for reading.

Photo by RD Smith Photography

Starting a blog post feels daunting, even for me & I love writing. I honestly struggled with where to begin. But I felt it was really important to share an update with all the amazing people who’ve been supporting my music in 2024 - those of you on my email list and beyond. Please know that I haven’t forgotten you!

2024 has been a year of profound contrasts. I’ve experienced some of my highest highs and deepest lows - the kind that leave you changed. Releasing my first and second solo singles as Mary Mina was a huge achievement for me, especially as I wrote, produced & mixed them both myself with support from my mentors, and I am overwhelmed by the support I have had for my releases so far, it has been humbling to say the least, thank you so much for all the likes, shares & positive comments, playlist adds & streams! I am so pleased that you are enjoying the new music that I have created from my heart, as it means everything to me to be able to share it with you!

One of the standout moments this year was performing my new songs on the Rising Talent Stage at the Bristol Harbour Festival—it was such an incredible experience! I’m deeply thankful to everyone who came out to support that performance and to Ujima manager Miranda Rae for the opportunity. 

Another unforgettable highlight was having my debut single, “7 Weeks,” featured on the Bristol Music World album, which launched in September at the Mount Without. The album raised over £1,000 for brain tumour research, thanks to the incredible efforts of Harriet Ward and the 21 other talented artists who generously contributed their music.

I felt honoured to be part of the publicity for the launch, supporting brain tumour research, and thrilled to see my photo, captured by the talented RD Smith Photography (pictured right), featured on the BBC website as part of the event coverage. I love that I look just like my mum in this photo too! 

I had plans for a third single by the end of this year, but life, as it does, had other ideas. I was just so wiped out by October, and with good reason – I had not taken a proper holiday all year, I was just ploughing through & hadn't given myself time to stop and breathe.

And then everything suddenly hit me, as losing my dad in 2023 was a blow that I’m still learning to live with. For months, I'd kept myself so busy that I didn’t have to stop and feel it fully. But grief has a way of catching up with you. When I finally paused, I realised I’d been running on empty. My creativity felt drained, and I hadn’t recorded a new song in six months. Social media, once a way to connect and share my music, began to feel like shouting into the void. Hours of effort seemed to disappear into an algorithm that didn’t care and I was feeling overwhelmed & frustrated.

So, I stepped away. I didn’t make an announcement or plan a grand retreat - I just stopped. For the first time in months, I let myself be still. And in that stillness, everything I’d been holding at arm’s length started to surface. Grief. Exhaustion. But also something gentler - a quiet sense of possibility, like a door I hadn’t noticed before.

One of the things I’ve learned about myself is that creativity can’t thrive in chaos. It needs space and time to breathe. I am currently revisiting The Artist’s Way, a book that’s helped me reconnect with my creativity twice before, and have started the process again: writing in the morning, taking myself out on solo artist dates, and making gentle steps toward rediscovering the spark I’d been missing.

In practical terms, it’s been about slowing down. Taking time for simple joys, even as I navigate life on crutches whilst I deal with an old injury that’s flared up again. I’ve been to a spa, treated myself to a solo cinema trip to see Wicked, and cried my way through TV shows that struck a nerve. Not all of it has been particularly glamorous, but it’s been exactly what I needed.

I have also started a course of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy, which is helping me work through some challenging experiences from recent years and rediscover my creative spark. I look forward to sharing more about this journey in the weeks to come.

And slowly, the music is coming back. I’ve started writing again - not with urgency, but with curiosity. Little by little, some new songs are forming. Some days it’s just a lyric. Other days, a melody or a feeling. It’s a quiet process, and I’m learning to trust it, to let it take its time.

One song in particular feels ready to take its next steps. It’s inspired by my grandmother, who was a singer on Canadian radio in the 1940s. I never got to meet her, but after my dad’s passing, her story became a lifeline to something beautiful. This song feels like a tribute - to her, to the family connection we share, and to the creative thread that runs through generations, connecting us through space and time. Watch this space for release plans, as they unfold in the new year!

While my music has been moving at a slower pace, my radio show has kept me grounded. Hosting the Cruising show on Ujima radio every Thursday has been a pleasure - a chance to connect, share stories, and collaborate with amazing guests. 

And now the show has expanded into a team, Charlie Bees from season 2 of The Traitors and the talented Jesus Nahmias have been fantastic co-hosts, and launching a monthly sustainable fashion segment with Meg Cox of Clothemod has been a highlight. Fashion has always been a love of mine, so bringing that into the show feels like a natural fit.

Looking ahead to 2025, I’m dreaming big. Producing music solo has been an incredible journey, but I’m ready to expand. I’m planning to build not one, but two bands, and to collaborate more with other bands, producers and songwriters. Even now, when it feels quiet from the outside, there’s so much happening behind the scenes. It was time to set up something different, hence working on creating something for the people who have supported me, who don't always get to see the stuff I post on my socials as the algorithm is hiding them from you, and instead creating a designated space for the people who truly care and want to hear more from me.

I’m also thrilled about the work I’ve been doing with my favourite photographer, RD Smith. Her incredible talent caught the BBC’s attention, and it was one of her photos was featured in their article about the Bristol Music World album. 

I can’t wait to share the shots from our latest collaboration! We’ve worked on several shoots together now, and the connection we have is amazing. Here’s a sneak peek of one of them! 

There is a music video in the pipeline too, I don't want to say too much after the disappointment of losing the footage from my last video shoot and the struggle I went through over that - I won't dwell on the point but let's just say that I am hopeful that the next one will be so much more satisfying.

Well, that's all for now folks! Thank you to everyone who’s been with me through this winding road of a year. Your support means the world. I’m so excited to share what’s next, and I hope you’ll stick around for the ride as it's going to be so much fun! Seasons greetings everyone and here's to a fabulous 2025!